I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize