Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this is an emotional support booty call
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
