you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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