She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
