Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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