Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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