My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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