First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
