You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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