His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
