Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
