I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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