What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
