You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
