I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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