me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
