i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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