Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
