you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
