Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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