Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
