They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need a beard to bite.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
