running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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