So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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