I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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