peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
