Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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