i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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