Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
