she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize