you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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