things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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