I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
