There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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