the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
