She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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