I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize