you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
