I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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