they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize