she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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