i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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