Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
