Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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