Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
