got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
