But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
