I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
