When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
