If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is Oprah even human
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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