guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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