i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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