i barfeds in our rink
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
