At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
