She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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