i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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