He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
