Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
