Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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