I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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