i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize