why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
True college students do jello shots in the library
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
