Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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