It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
