She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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