Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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