You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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