hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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