Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
