I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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