I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
