I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
