Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
