Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
