I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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