i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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