No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the condom got lost in my hair
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
