I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
