No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
