i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize