How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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