i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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