I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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