Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can I color on your dick again?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
