Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
