when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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