when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
ok first of all what the fuck
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
