So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
