Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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