how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
two words: eviction party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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