you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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