Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
