I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
