I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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