so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
