JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
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