Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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