quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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