Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
