I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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