Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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