i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
