we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize