I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
