i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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