i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
