I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
