How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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