Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
