Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
