I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
